Right Where They Belong

One of the most memorable lessons my father ever taught me was "Where you are is where you belong.". He always taught me to carry myself in a manner that was confident, self assured and respectful He'd tell me.."You should be able to walk into the finest restaurant with the same confidence that you would have walking into your local diner. If you carry yourself like you belong there, no one will ever question: what are YOU doing here?"  This lesson has served me very well in my life. Not to say that I've never been challenged by others to qualify myself but I've always handled it with my sly sense of humor. Because that's just who I am.

For the past few weeks, I've been able to provide some assistance with  a project that has grown near and dear to my heart. It all started with the following Facebook status from my friend Rob:

           A few weeks ago, I overheard a conversation amongst a group of 7 year olds at the academy where I teach; where they were talking excitedly about the American Girl Dolls. When the topic of the American Girl Place in NYC came up, one of the babies remarked matter of factly; "Oh yeah, only white girls go there". This bothered me. That thinking. When I went to pull up the images of the venue to show them they were wrong, I was met with much success; and they looked at me like "And?".

Well NO...NO..no..and NO. As a woman believeth in her mind, so she becomes....and allows...and we simply CANNOT allow our little Black, Brown and Beige babies TO believe that there is a place that exists that they don't belong in or have access to 80% of the school population qualifies for the free lunch program..We just CAN'T allow the scenario of their temporary situation make them believe its permanent. That thinking is UNACCEPTABLE. Period.
     
As the weeks went by and I saw more posts and updates  from Rob asking for donations, I also saw posts that reflected his level of understanding that a lot our pretty brown little girls are lacking in loving affirmations that they are just as beautiful, deserving and valuable as anybody else. I admit that when I first saw Rob';s status, I was a bit reluctant to support it. See, here's the thing, I'm all for GIRL POWER and female empowerment, but I've always tended to back away from any causes pertaining to girls, that seemingly focused on their surface and that didn't delve deeper than just how pretty a girl's  hair is. But then I realized that we're talking  about little girls, and everybody and Mr. Rogers know that to reach the children you have to  to speak to them on their level.  So if going to American Girl is one way to do it. then I cant be mad at that. I'm happy to say that my initial reaction was wrong. 

. 

But let me go a little deeper. 

Black women have made major strides in the past 5 years alone, but no matter how  many steps we take forward, it seems we're always being asked or told to take  2 steps back. Yes we have our super fly FLOTUS in the White House, but some folks feel its in their best interest to tell Mrs. Obama how she should react when a heckler is being rude to her.

Also, in recent years there's been a movement among black women to embrace our natural hair. Our textures, colors and styles are reflecting an embodiment of our appreciation for our natural beauty and we're doing so boldly and unapologetically.

But yet, there are black women today  that have subjected themselves to having their hair touched by strangers in public as if they were goats in a kiddie zoo. I mean...yeah we get it we're dope..... can we live???  But i digress.  

I think what Rob...and the many friends and family that he's recruited in making this  trip to the American Girl Store happen ..its  so necessary. He understood  that these young ladies are at  crucial stages of their development where the images they see now can have an indelible impact on their self esteem. As many positive images we have ( Mrs. Obama, Serena Williams, Oprah) , there's also a lot of negative images (The entire case Love and Hip Hop and  Basketball Wives) and it seems that the latter is more promoted than the former. This is where we step up. We as women, men, as mothers, fathers, its so important that we do our part  to help guide these (in this case) young ladies to develop the skills they'll need to separate the wheat from the chaff. 

I really hope that when these 27 little girls ...when they march out of their stretch limo..nails painted, hair done, new outfits..when they march onto the middle of Fifth Avenue in New York City.. on what will hopefully be a sunny day and walk into American Girl,  that's its a small step that will start them on a journey of "I am exactly where I'm supposed to be"

Peace

Myrna

Hearts and Souls

I've been pondering for days now if I would or should even touch on the horrible tragedy that happened in the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT. I sat at work that day glued to my computer looking at the images, unable to fathom the heartbreak that would befall the families of those little innocent children. I went home with a heavy heart, knowing that many parents would not be able to kiss their children good night.

Before I went to bed I went to Facebook and saw various postings from friends and loved ones, many of them parents, who were expressing gratitude for their children. It was my cousin's post though that touched me the most. My cousin, who became a brand new mother earlier this year, expressed her uncontrollable tears and need to hold her new baby girl close to her that night. I called her but she didn't answer. My sleep was fitful because I so wanted to talk to her and give her as much comfort as I could.
I felt it was my responsibility to hear her out and to also let her know that what she felt was normal. Because even though this tragedy hadn't happened to us directly, it doesn't hurt any less. It doesn't hurt any less because once you join the fraternity of parenthood, no matter what race, religion, creed you are..a parents love for their child is universal. When you hear about tragedies like at Newtown, you automatically put yourself in that parents place and then two things happen. 1. You feel sympathy for them..and 2.You thank God that's it not you.

As a new parent, it's not enough that the anxiety of having a new life in our hands can bring, but now you have to worry about the possibility of danger coming to your child when you let them in someone else's care. You do so and you hope that your child comes home happy and most of all safe. Every time you let your child out into the world, you basically turn yourself inside out. You as a parent, feel that no one..not even the Secret Service can protect your child as well as you can. Logic be damned..its what makes parents do the things they do.

When I was a junior in High School..My psychology teacher, Mr. DiNardo started our parenting segment with these words "Parenthood is a role from which there is no escape"  This lesson stayed with me. No less than 5 years later, I would learn that lesson first hand with the birth of my only son. I learned first hand that no matter who you are, what you do, when you choose to parent you are Mom or Dad first. Period. Everything else is secondary.


But I think President Obama said it best in his speech at the Newtown memorial the other night:

 "You know, someone once described the joy and anxiety of parenthood as the equivalent of having your heart outside of your body all the time, walking around.

With their very first cry, this most precious, vital part of ourselves, our child, is suddenly exposed to the world, to possible mishap or malice, and every parent knows there’s nothing we will not do to shield our children from harm. And yet we also know that with that child’s very first step and each step after that, they are separating from us, that we won’t -- that we can’t always be there for them.

They will suffer sickness and setbacks and broken hearts and disappointments, and we learn that our most important job is to give them what they need to become self-reliant and capable and resilient, ready to face the world without fear."


My sentiments exactly..

Peace,
Myrna

When The Universe Whispers...You Listen

I had walked out of my ofice to take a short constituional and I saw this distinguished looking gentleman in front of the International Center of Photogtraphy, http://www.icp.org/ which is adjacent to the HBO building.

Our eyes met and I asked "Can I take your picture of you holding that camera?"

"Of course..he said..but only if I can take your picture in return." I happily told him that it would be my pleasure.

After I took his picture he asked to see it. "I wanna know if you know what you're doing", he said....so I showed him

"You got a good eye kid" he said. I smiled..and blushed and thanked him.

"Whats your name kid?"

Myrna..I said

"Oh like Myrna Loy!"

I smiled., and said yes..the the girl from The Thin Man. The gentlemen said "Oh..I got a history buff here..too huh?"

"Yes....and I'm a movie nerd too", I replied.
"Say..kid..can you send me that picrure to my Facebook page?"

Sure, I said..what's your name?

"Louis...Louis Mendes. You can Google me.

So I did..and found this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_Mendes

and this..

http://nyulocal.com/on-campus/2012/04/06/a-walk-through-nyc-with-louis-mendes-street-photographer/

and this..

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/nyregion/03polaroid.html?_r=0

So to describe Mr. Mendes as "sort of a big deal" would be an understatement.

After exchanging information..Mr. Mendes gave me a copy of my picture and off I went.

I really believe in my heart that meeting this man was no accident. Last week, after Hurricane Sandy, I finally ventured out after having been cooped up in my apartment for days due to the weather and a cold. I made sure that my new smart phone was fully charged and off I went.

Considering the amount of damage done to the rest of island of Manhattan, Harlem was left virtually untouched. The most major damage that I saw was a tree a few blocks away from me.

On a whim, I submitted the photograh to a Harlem centric blog: http://harlembespoke.blogspot.com and to my delight and surprise they used my picture for a blog post and credited me for it.

All of this to say that it's clear to me that the universe is telling me to continue taking bolder steps on a path in which I've stepped onto tenatively, thus far.

So I'll continue on the road less traveled and see what develops.

Peace.

Myrna

A New Day

If it hasn't happened already ...my little cousin Adebisi or Bisi as we call her is going to be a mother..soon. She's been keeping us abreast of her developments on Facebook and I am quite anxious while waiting to hear the news of when her daughter arrives. This occasion has made me stop and realize what a special person my cousin is to me and I just had some thoughts I wanted to share...

Bisi..

Pretty soon...any minute now..and if it hasn't happened already, you are going to be welcoming into the world a brand new life so I just wanted to put this out there before you transitioned from Bisi to mommy. So here goes..

You are more than my little cousin you are the little sister that my parents refused to give me. When your mother was pregnant with you, no one was more excited than I was. Your mother was my first baby sitter and is my second mother, without question. So waiting for you to arrive was the most exciting thing to happen to me. So you were born and I didn't get to see you for at least two weeks and it was torture for me. Although I was no longer the baby in your parents house, I was more than willing to give up my room for you..and subsequently your younger twin siblings.

I watched you grow up....I fought with you..I think at one point I took to calling you
Beastly...because well quite frankly between the ages of 8-10..you were an epic brat! But I knew that we'd outgrow that phase and we did, didn't we?

When my son was born ..an event that you had no idea was coming..you rushed to me..to us..without judgement..and for that I will always be grateful for.

So now..here you are..waiting for your daughter to arrive. I really don't have any advice to offer you. The only thing I can tell you is that your daughter is coming into this world with a greater advantage of having you and Trini as her parents. You wonderful mother and father as her grandparents. Your sister and brother as her aunt and uncle. One of which will take her to brunch and other of which will scare all the boys away (guess which is which) and a bunch of crazy great uncles and aunts that are going to drive her nuts and a bunch of cousins that are going to love and spoil her and yes fight with her occasionally.

I am so happy for you and proud of you..you've always said that you looked up to me..but honestly..I look up to you for doing things the way you've always wanted to do them.

I love you..

Love,

Myrna

My Discovery

Hello all..hope you all had a great weekend.

I did..I got lots of accomplished in making my new apartment more of a home.

Although I moved in June..getting settled has been a process. But one which I've enjoyed. This is the first time I've actually lived by myself.

I went from living at my parents house..to college..to coming back to my parents with a newborn baby in tow..and several apartments since then with a child. This is the first place that I've had strictly for me and I'm loving it.

The discoveries that I've made about myself have been amazing and humbling. Although the solitude can get to me sometimes, I'm enjoying my time with myself. But I'm not alone..I have new neighbors to get to know..my discovery of new music (Fela Kuti was the soundtrack of my weekend) and my books.

This past weekend I made it my duty to finish reading a book I started reading a few weeks ago. But once I finished that book, I looked at the unpacked box of books I had brought from my old apartment. I found almost 10 books that I had not read yet. Thus saving me some money..for now at least.

Have a great week!

Times Up

I told someone a secret about me..a deep secret that I hope would turn things around.

..and I only got silence in return..

Now I don't know what's worse...

Keeping a secret that often formed a lump in my throat

or releasing it only to have it lost in the ether of nothingness..space and time.

I want to say that only time will tell..

but time's up!

Shrinkage

Hello again.



Wow..two posts in three days..this is big for me.

To those that are new to this blog..welcome. To those who are not..thanks for the words of encouragement and sticking by me. It's much appreciated.

Speaking of my last post, I just wanted to follow up. After I had posted on my Facebook page, one of my friends had made some comments on my page.

It went as follows:

My friend: It's when men don't bother to call them anything that women should be worried about.

Me: So you're saying that a woman..any woman..no matter what she's doing or wearing should be happy to getting ANY attention at all.

My Friend: I'm saying of all the problems to have. This is a great problem to have.

Me: It's only a problem if a woman is seeking attention and she's not getting it. But in my case, I'm just trying to live in my space be it mental or physical. Am I not allowed that? Another point is that men often say "I would love to have that problem" But it's easy to say that when it's men doing the objectification. Fortunately or unfortunatetly, depending on how you want to look at it, the characteristics that make women attractive to men (breasts, butts) are on the outside and constantly subjected to the "male gaze". Those attributes determine whether or not she is worth any attention be it positive or negative. Now I wonder..If a man's penis was constantly displayed in the same manner and subjected to female admiration or in some cases laughter ..would men be so quick to defend the argument that "any attention is better than none at all?"

Personally..I think my last reply was brilliant..but funnily enough I got no retort.

Which begs the question: Am I the only one who notices that when the subject of penises or penis size comes up men tend to umm... shrink away? :-)

If anybody can give me some points of view or tips :-) it'd be greatly appreciated.



Myrna